Friday, January 4, 2008

Evolution & The 2nd Law of Thermodynamics:
An Ongoing Conundrum, Part 2

At the end of the last article, I stated that I would explain why auto enthusiasts mourn the death of cars like the pre-1999 Porsche 911:

and the soon to be deceased Mitsubishi Evolution IX:

But oddly, perhaps the most effective way to convey the greatness of these cars is to focus on the oxymoronic nature of their successors. The 996 brought a newfound sense of civility and evenness to the driving experience of a 911 while still improving performance numbers. Mitsubishi has incorporated a similar “best of both worlds” approach to the design of their new Evolution X. With the 996 and the Evo X, Porsche and Mitsubishi respectively managed astounding feats of engineering, and for their accomplishments in this respect, they should only be applauded. However, the fundamental error within these cars lies not in their abilities to perform, but in the corruption of their characters. Neither a 911 or an Evo should ever have to be described as “civil” or “comfortable,” and to utter such words as a complement should be tantamount to a groin-shot at the esteemed legacy of these dedicated machines. Furthermore, any discussion at all of ride quality in respect to these two cars should immediately call into question the groins of the conversationalists involved. (Seriously, just go buy a Buick and get it over with.) The mission of these cars is not to cushion your coccyx, lull you into a feeling of comfort and control, or isolate you from the cold world outside your climate controlled cockpit. These cars should not draw you in with their interior layouts and amenities, but should make you forget their interiors entirely. The mission of these cars is simple: to excite you by providing an intimately transparent and tactile connection between man, machine, and motorway. I am clearly not talking about the excitement of going to a new spa and finding L’Occitane products in the shower. I am talking about the raw, eye-opening excitement of a child riding a rollercoaster for the first time having just made the height requirement. If at least a touch of fear is not involved in the experience, something is very wrong. The true measure of an enthusiast’s car is not in its ability to pump out performance numbers, but in its eagerness to draw every ounce of your attention to the road ahead (and all those chumps who are just asking to be passed). By this standard, the 996 and the Evolution X represent ironic steps backward for Porsche and Mitsubishi.

[In Part III, the final segment of this article, I shall pay my respects to the venerable Evolution IX.]

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