About midway through, this video shows footage of the STi making its way to a stellar 72 mph slalom run. But here lies the rub: a 72 mph slip through the cones should conjure up images of supercars like the Porsche 911 Turbo or the Ferrari Enzo. Instead, I find myself engrossed by memories of my dog marking a tree or the time I got seasick on a budget ferry ride to
The 2006 Evolution IX arrived on our shores like a tourist whose fashion sense was more than a little lost in translation. Frankly, the IX looked like the hormonally imbalanced attempt of an angry teenager to salvage the remains of an automotive lost and found bin. The trademark rear wing remained laughably disproportionate. Apparently, the designers from Mitsubishi had learned absolutely nothing in regards to aesthetics (or aerodynamics, for that matter) since the Evo VIII. The IX, like its predecessors, continued to reject the standard “slippery finesse” sports car motif. Instead, its aim was to free itself from the shackles of the wind tunnel through brute force, blast itself halfway across the globe, and literally crash the caviar-laden party at Pininfarina. This car was not about the art of seduction, but about getting down to business, unapologetically shoving its over-blown cylinders in your face with a dare. From there, you could take it or leave it. As expected, most turned away in disgust, but the few who were able to put aside their yuppie machismo experienced a ride they would never forget.
Nothing is safe. And now, the Evolution we know and love is dead. Mitsubishi has abandoned its dominant position in a segment it practically created in hopes of scrounging a few scraps off the ever fattening BMW 3 Series’ table. For shame… But as is common in life, greatness often shines for but a moment, and when that moment passes, we must learn to be grateful that greatness can exist at all in a world where the blind lead the blind to car dealerships and impossible mortgages. Alas, let us eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die an anesthetized death of Tauruses and Camrys.
and the soon to be deceased Mitsubishi Evolution IX:
But oddly, perhaps the most effective way to convey the greatness of these cars is to focus on the oxymoronic nature of their successors. The 996 brought a newfound sense of civility and evenness to the driving experience of a 911 while still improving performance numbers. Mitsubishi has incorporated a similar “best of both worlds” approach to the design of their new Evolution X. With the 996 and the Evo X, Porsche and Mitsubishi respectively managed astounding feats of engineering, and for their accomplishments in this respect, they should only be applauded. However, the fundamental error within these cars lies not in their abilities to perform, but in the corruption of their characters. Neither a 911 or an Evo should ever have to be described as “civil” or “comfortable,” and to utter such words as a complement should be tantamount to a groin-shot at the esteemed legacy of these dedicated machines. Furthermore, any discussion at all of ride quality in respect to these two cars should immediately call into question the groins of the conversationalists involved. (Seriously, just go buy a Buick and get it over with.) The mission of these cars is not to cushion your coccyx, lull you into a feeling of comfort and control, or isolate you from the cold world outside your climate controlled cockpit. These cars should not draw you in with their interior layouts and amenities, but should make you forget their interiors entirely. The mission of these cars is simple: to excite you by providing an intimately transparent and tactile connection between man, machine, and motorway. I am clearly not talking about the excitement of going to a new spa and finding L’Occitane products in the shower. I am talking about the raw, eye-opening excitement of a child riding a rollercoaster for the first time having just made the height requirement. If at least a touch of fear is not involved in the experience, something is very wrong. The true measure of an enthusiast’s car is not in its ability to pump out performance numbers, but in its eagerness to draw every ounce of your attention to the road ahead (and all those chumps who are just asking to be passed). By this standard, the 996 and the Evolution X represent ironic steps backward for Porsche and Mitsubishi.2008 sees the arrival of the eagerly awaited and much applauded
Mitsubishi Evolution X:
The “Ten” is a complete redesign. Dimensions have increased. The new interior could only be described as luxurious compared to the one it replaces. Gone is the old iron-block 4G63 that has powered all Evos since 1992. In its place sits the new aluminum-block 4B11: a lighter, more capable engine working out a broader torque band through a double helping of MIVEC magic. The end result is smoother and more refined acceleration. In addition, a dizzying array of electronically controlled acronyms (S-AWC, ACD, AYC, ASC) pulls off the modern miracle of improved ride quality and improved handling. The roomier, quieter, more comfortable Evo X out-laps its frantic, bare-bones predecessor without even breaking a sweat. Well done, Mitsu, you have sufficiently ruined the only redeeming vehicle in your lineup.
In 1963, the iconic rear-engine rear-wheel-drive sports car from Zuffenhausen was born, and for the next 34 years, it was tirelessly tweaked toward perfection. In 1998, the 911’s evolution came to an abrupt halt with model 993, as Porsche had finalized the decision to effectively sacrifice 34 years of inspired work to a porcelain god. The “new 911” (code named 996) that arrived in 1999 was redesigned from scratch. It arrived larger, more luxurious, and more powerful than the 993. The all new engine was now water-cooled, sporting double overhead camshafts, and variable valve timing. The modern underpinnings of the 996 allowed it to grace the road with a composure and civility that redefined Porsche, broadening the carmaker’s appeal to a wider audience who could suddenly purchase the title of “automotive enthusiast” without having to pay the ass-tax of driving a true enthusiast’s car. And in that moment of inevitable entropy, one of the most significant cars in automotive history met its irreversible end. While Porsche celebrated the “rebirth” of the 911, automotive enthusiasts worldwide prepared themselves for a funeral. As the grammatically challenged editor of Autozine struggles to state, “Since April 1998, our old friend 911 was dead. Although Zuffenhausen is still selling a car called Nine-Eleven today, all of us know the real 911 no longer lives in the world…I hope you will enjoy this special and always remember the real 911.” Shhh…It’s okay, Mr. Wan, I too learned English as my second language. I get you, I get you.
let us not forget the deceased but ever beloved Porsche 911, which to this day still stands as a testament to the fact that “new and improved” is not always better, and to the truth that “appealing to a wider audience” almost always means an exchange of purity for profit, resulting in a wasteful dilution of something rare and special. In 1998, people buying new 993’s were branded as foolish for not waiting for the 996 arriving the very next year. But time, as it often does, reveals true wisdom not in days, but in years. Nearly a decade later, a comparison of resale value mirrors the clarity of greatness that was the Porsche 911 and the greed-driven myopia that envisioned its successor. Forget Edmunds “True Market Value” pricing on this one. Go straight to Autotrader.com and do a comparison for yourself. In the
[In Part II, I will discuss exactly why automotive enthusiasts mourn the loss of the 911 and will eventually mourn the loss of the Evolution IX.]
