Please understand, I really do like the 2008 Subaru Impreza WRX STi. Sure, it looks like the spawn of some minor role Transformer and Robocop’s twice decapitated head, but nonetheless, a practical 4-door hatch that does 0-60 in 4.8 seconds and goes 72 mph through the slalom is nothing to laugh at. I would even go as far as saying the STi has the potential to look attractive: swap out that nasty front grill for something reasonably tasteful, and I would be satisfied. After all, STi’s were never meant to look elegant, graceful, or even natural, just as bulldogs were never meant to win beauty contests. Even justifying the STi’s appearance as “function over form” would be misleading, as this car is really an exercise in “function despite form.” Ultimately, focusing on the STi’s aesthetic appeal is as pointless as buying a Michael Graves power tool…or is it? Why concern yourself with how the STi gets results when the results are this good? Up until now, I happily did not have an answer to this question, but then I saw this… (Pay special attention at the 1 min 55 sec mark.)
About midway through, this video shows footage of the STi making its way to a stellar 72 mph slalom run. But here lies the rub: a 72 mph slip through the cones should conjure up images of supercars like the Porsche 911 Turbo or the Ferrari Enzo. Instead, I find myself engrossed by memories of my dog marking a tree or the time I got seasick on a budget ferry ride to Catalina Island. Two words: body roll. Check it out for yourself one more time and notice how even the shamefully one dimensional (only good in a straight line) Mustang gets through the slalom with a lot more…dare I say it…style. Despite the STi’s undeniably impressive slalom result, its flailing lack of composure is really an eyesore, sort of like watching Manu Ginobili drive to the rim:
The sad thing is, the STi’s body roll issue is drastically improved from its less formidable sibling, the plain old WRX. Watch a video of the WRX seesawing its way through a few cones, and you will be overcome with musings of inserting random objects in those intermittently huge gaps between the tires and the wheel wells. I seriously think I could jam a basketball in there.
A final thought: it would be a nice touch if the folks at Subie included a Subaru-branded, adult version of this weighted cup for everyone who buys a WRX or STi:
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through a few cones, Homework Help In Economics and you will be overcome with musings of inserting random objects in those intermittently huge gaps
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